


But when he walks in, I am loved.

by sourwine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Kagehina (mentioned), M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Post-High School, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles, haikyuu time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29394939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourwine/pseuds/sourwine
Summary: In 9th grade, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi shared their first kiss at the top stair of Yamaguchi's house front porch. Now they just graduated high school, and are standing at the very same place once again."Not a bad place to have our last one." The both of them thought when they reached Yamaguchi's house and the green haired boy automatically got in the top step, pulling his boyfriend by the hand so only their foreheads were touching.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49
Collections: PERSONAL





	But when he walks in, I am loved.

Contrary to what pretty much anyone thinks, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are incredibly alike. 

People assume they are polar opposites all the time, and it's probably not their fault. Tsukki is sharp as a knife and drips irony, while Yamaguchi is a people pleaser in the form of sun-kissed freckles and soft smiles. But this is a superficial analysis.

They are both very anxious in their own different ways and the biggest overthinkers ever. That is both good and bad for their relationship. When it all started, it was a constant pain, because it was an ongoing struggle of neither of them being able to accept the other one's feelings as real and valid, because _how could he actually like me?_ or _he deserves better than me_. After a lot of help and advice from Sugawara when they were still first years, they learned to take all that anxiety and channel into expressing their insecurities and learning how to help the other through it. 

By the time they were in their third year, they were like one. A twitch of Yamaguchi's lip would make Tsukki grab his hand, a calloused thumb rubbing over the back of his hand in a soothing way, and finding the perfect excuse to get them away from whatever social situation was making Tadashi uncomfortable. If Tsukki entered class with his headphones on without bothering to say a good morning he knew he shouldn't ask what was wrong, because he probably didn't know either and trying to explain it made it worst, so he would just sit in the chair behind him and very softly run his fingers in the back of his hair. They were so aware of each other's every need, feeling and habits that people were already joking about being invited to their wedding after graduation. 

But not Tadashi. 

Because that was the _bad part_ about being so in sync. They already knew the plans in each other's heads for a long time, they just had been pretending they didn't, at least until they couldn't anymore. 

They had graduated from high school two weeks before, but they had been holding off the celebratory dinner until tonight. Earlier in that evening, Tsukishima Kei had been officialized as Sendai's Frogs newest blocker and Yamaguchi was leaving for college in a week. So they celebrated. 

They went to a fancy restaurant with both their parents, their teammates — all their kouhais and the senpais that we're able to make — and like it always was with volleyball, it was loud. People talking over each other across the long table, plates being passed from one person to another, a lot of promises being made about the years to come. The energy was so high that nobody really noticed that the actual stars of the night were barely touching the food, or talking. Well, nobody except the both of them. 

But they weren't going to talk about that. Not yet. So they just held hands under the table, sharing a lemonade and basking in the chaos that wasn't overwhelming anymore. 

But it was almost eleven p.m. now. Their parents went home early so they could enjoy just being around friends, and now they were walking home, finally alone. 

Tadashi's house was first. Both on their way back from the restaurant and on the walk back from school. Walking home was always sort of their thing. 

Actually, the first time Tsukki thought that maybe, _just maybe,_ he could be in love with his best friend was in one of those walks. They were in eight grade, and everyone was having crushes, except him. It never really bothered him, he just assumed that was only one more way in which he was weird, and it was ok, because he didn't really like humans and contact anyway. But after a practice that ran late, they were walking home while the sun was setting, and they reached the front porch of Yamaguchi's house. It had three steps, and when the smaller boy would stand in the top one and he would be on the sidewalk, they would be the exact same height. Tadashi turned around to ask if he was staying for dinner as usual, and suddenly his face simply lit up. The golden lightning from the end of the afternoon hit him just right, his freckles looking like tiny droplets of liquid copper on his cheeks, his dark green eyes looked more like some kind of crystal — all these veins of light green, yellow and brown running over each other in intricate patterns — and something clicked in Tsukishima's head. _If I am to ever kiss someone, it better be Tadashi._ The intrusive thought came from nowhere, and he wanted it to go away. He canceled the dinner plans with some bad excuse and ran the rest of his way home, going straight to his room. He skipped dinner that night, falling asleep still in his uniform, with his headphones playing music so loud he couldn't hear his own brain. 

About a year and a half later, they had their first kiss on that very step. 

_"Not a bad place to have our last one."_ The both of them thought when they reached Yamaguchi's house and the green haired boy automatically got in the top step, pulling his boyfriend by the hand so only their foreheads were touching. 

"Tadashi..." he didn't let him start, not for a little while longer. 

He kissed Tsukki. He kissed him hard, hands clawing at his nape to keep him close, his tongue licking every trace of the peach candy he knew Tsukki only ate because it was his favorite until all he could taste was Tsukishima Kei. The blonde boy let himself be led on, happy to oblige in those last few moments of unmarked adoration. He wrapped his long fingers around Tadashi's waist, pulling him closer and tighter, letting him gasp into his mouth and scrape short nails on the back of his neck. 

_God, does Kei love that boy._

Loves him so much to let himself be kissed for what it feels like forever, but the shortest eternity either of them had ever experienced. And loves him so much to be the first to break the kiss, still holding him close enough so that their irregular breaths are mixing in the space between their mouths until they get back to normal. 

"Yams..." He gets shushed in return, gentle but very strong hands trying to pull him back into another kiss but he holds his ground. "Baby, stop"

The nickname gets a whine from the back of his throat, and tears in his eyes. The hands slide from the back of the blonde's neck to his face, cupping his cheeks while keeping him close. 

"Can't we at least try?"

They could, of course they could. That's what most people did right? But they had made promises. 

Another thing they had in common, was that the both of them were very straightforward people. And when the last year of school started they had decided to make sane choices about their future while they were still able to think rationally. Unless they went to the same school, they would break up after graduation, at least through their first year of college. They made it a promise in the beginning of the school year, because it would hurt less than to make that decision in the moment, or if they end up hating each other after failing at trying. 

But it doesn't hurt less. 

If you were to ask any of them, they would probably say that fulfilling that promise that night, it would be the most pain they ever felt. 

We can try, we can try, we can try. **I don't wanna leave you.** I love you. 

_You're the only person I will ever love. I will never kiss anyone else._

These thoughts consumed Tsukki's mind, and all he wanted to do was let them escape. To pull his boyfriend in his arms and never let go, fuck the distance or the hardships, they could make it. But as much as he was self-centered, he was never selfish. Not when it came to Tadashi. 

He was going to play first line in a big university team, if he works hard enough, he could become a pro player after that. So that meant that for the next four years, if he wanted to get hired by a good team in the end, he had to be a model player. And not that he liked it, but being openly gay with a public relationship wasn't a bonus that scouts looked for when hiring. 

He knew Yamaguchi wouldn't mind. He knew he would say the hours of train rides were nothing, that he wouldn't be hurt about not being able to kiss him after a victory or having to say he was focused on volleyball when asked about his love life. It was Kei that couldn't allow it. 

He loves Tadashi too much to put him through this. He loves him enough to know he deserved a chance at an easy life. To be a normal freshman, maybe even meet someone that won't make his life a mess in the beginning of a new phase in his life. So he holds his ground. 

"We made a promise didn't we?" For pure instinct, the back of his hand rises to the freckled cheek, softly caressing it and then turning around to hold his face when he leans into the touch "We promised we would try to do this in a way that would cause less damage."

"But it still hurts." 

Tadashi's head is now in the curve where his shoulders meet his neck. He always loved hiding there, even if he could only reach it when they were laying down together, or when he would stand on something, like the top stair of _their_ porch. 

In that specific spot, Tsukki's always smelled stronger. He smelled like the same body wash he's used for his whole life, the fabric softener his mother always did laundry with and of the perfume Yamaguchi bought him as a gift a few birthdays ago. When the world would get too loud or his thoughts became to fast, he would find a way of hiding his face in there, where he could only smell Tsukki, could only see the thin blonde hairs that would grown in the bottom of his nape, so golden and delicate that it looked invisible unless you looked closely, and the only sensation was his shirt or his skin on Yamaguchi's cheek. It smelled like home, it looked like love and _it felt like home._

What was he thinking when he told himself he would be okay without this? 

Tsukishima wanted to say that when he agreed to making this promise, he didn't really want it, he just knew his boyfriend was right and it was not only the most logical option, it was what was best for Tadashi. And that was the only thing that really mattered to him. He wanted even more to tell him he never planned on trying. He knew he would never move on from the way Tadashi's breath would softly make him shiver, even after years of feeling it. He knew that was it for him, that in this very porch when he was barely a teenager, he had found what most people spend their lives searching for. 

But if he we were to tell to the boy in his arms that he never intend to try, that after their first year of college — or after the four years that will take for them to both graduate, probably even for how many years his heart will keep beating — he will still be in love with him, then Yamaguchi won't try either. Because his boyfriend is the sweetest person even, but he is also painfully stubborn (another thing they have in common, but none of them will ever admit it) and if he realizes that Kei will wait for him, then he will never let himself try to be happy in his new life. 

"I know, baby. It hurts for me too." he says, instead. 

They didn't speak for a while, there was too much they wanted to say but nothing that the other one didn't already know. 

"Can you stay a little longer?" Yamaguchi finally came out of his hiding, green eyes so wide in a plea, like he didn't need to just ask and his boyfriend would say yes. 

Tsukishima was afraid that if he opened his mouth, he would break, so he just kissed his boyfriend. He kissed Yamaguchi on the top step of his front porch like he had done almost everyday for over three years, he put one hand in his soft hair and the other around his waist, like he always does. He swallowed every gasp, soft sighs and tiny mewling sounds that he drew out of Tadashi's lungs, while he still could. He ran his tongue over the bottom lip that always tasted like green apple flavored chapstick and let him bite his lips until they were as red as Yamaguchi's cheeks the first time he called him beautiful. 

They had kissed like this on the front porch a lot. In the days that he would walk Yamaguchi home but couldn't stay for them to do their homework together, sometimes in lazy saturday mornings after they slept until noon and his mom would make them come out of the room because "they needed some sunlight", everytime they would come home from an away game or training camp, so exhausted from all the volleyball and sweating and loud teammates, but already dreading the fact that they wouldn't be sleeping in side by side futons that allowed then to hold hands in between the mattresses. 

They even kissed in nights like this. After going out to eat with the team, or to see a movie, and walking back home before curfew. They would kiss until Yamaguchi's dad came out of the front door in pajamas and socks, saying it was too late and Tsukki should get going. They would kiss until the family cat that absolutely hated him would come home from his night walk and would meow and rub himself in Tadashi until he came inside with him, hissing at the blonde if he tried to put his hands in his beloved owner in front of him. They would kiss until Tsukishima's mom would call saying he had everyday to kiss Tadashi and he wouldn't die from abstinence, but she might kill him if she gets out of her shower and he isn't home yet. 

But they kissed that night, and none of those things happened. Yamaguchi's parents window light was out, his mother just texted him saying the key was in the vase next to the door and even the stupid cat used his tiny door in silence, not even being noticed by them. It's like they all just knew, the entire world spinning a little more to the left, the natural order of stuff being changed just for a day. No cars passed and the dogs on the yards didn't bark, the streetlights didn't flinch. It was like everything around them just stopped, so they could kiss like this in the top step of the front porch, one last time.

Later, they would realize that they kissed without saying a single word for over an hour that night. They would also think that it wasn't enough, and wish they had dragged that moment just a little longer. But they didn't. 

"Thank you, Tadashi," Tsukki eventually said, almost inaudible under their ragged breaths, foreheads touching. "For being my best friend."

Once again, the smaller boy cradled his face in his hands, making sure their gazes were locked. 

"I'm still your best friend, Tsukishima Kei. Don't you dare say I'm not." His voice was calm, and his words were loud and clear. "You're still going to text me, and call me. We agreed to not be boyfriends anymore, but I swear to god, Tsukki," 

He grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him closer. The gesture might seem aggressive, but it brought a smile to the blonde's face, an old memory that would always make his heart beat a little faster coming to mind. 

"If you try to cut me out I'll get on a train to Sendai and I will force some sense in that stubborn brain of yours."

Tsukki just had this lovestruck smile on his face, like that scene was the most adorable thing he ever saw and Tadashi felt his cheeks redden, his mouth dry and his eyes fill with water under that gaze. He used the grip in the front of his shirt to hide his face in his shirt, feeling long arms hugging him. 

"I know you would, Tadashi." Yamaguchi had gone down two steps to hug him, so now his chin was exactly on the top of his hair. "But it won't be necessary, you're still coming to my matches after all, aren't you?"

He heard a sniff, before the hands on his chest pushed to break the embrace. He expected to see tears, but they hadn't fallen yet. His eyes were gleaming with them, and his cheeks were red from the effort of containing them, but he still smiled. Not his usual star-like smile, but it still made Tsukishima's heart warm. 

"Of course, Tsukki. I'm gonna be your personal cheerleader, remember?"

He couldn't contain a snort and the blush on his face that came with it, and that made the other boy smile widen and his eyes water even more. 

"Shut up, Yamaguchi." 

He said it out of habit. He didn't realize the weight of his words until he heard a sob. He didn't see the tears that finally fell, because now his own eyes were filled with his own and the boy in front of him became a blur. 

"I'm sorry, Tsukki"

They didn't say goodbye. They didn't say I love you. They didn't have to, the conversation was just over now. 

Slowly, the hands holding his shirt let go. He lowered his head, seeing the tears that fell with the motion, and the exact moment white sneakers went up the steps, walking away. He reached for his headphones in his pocket, because the sobs kept getting louder. He turned around and put them on, because if he looked up, he wouldn't be able to walk away. 

He started walking, the music so loud he didn't even realize the crying noises that were leaving his own throat. He wanted to run the rest of the way home like that one afternoon in eight grade, but he didn't trust his legs right now. So he just walked home, not turning back to have one last look at the boy on the top of the stairs at the front porch.

**────────────────────────────**

  
  


Almost ten months had passed, and Yamaguchi never went to a Sendai Frogs match. 

It's not that they didn't keep their promise. They text almost everyday, mostly about classes or how someone from their school times is doing. There's also a lot of cat videos and stupid memes being sent back and forth. 

They used to call, but everytime Tadashi would hear his laugh, he would choke and he would have to make up some excuse to hang up before he started crying. So he started to let it go to voicemail, until Tsukki stopped asking about their weekly phone call. 

He didn't know that everytime the blonde would hear the robotic voice instead of his on the other end of the line, Tsukki was the one to angrily swipe the back of his hand over a single, involuntary tear. 

It's been almost a year since that night on the steps of Yamaguchi's front porch. They are both in the middle of their second semester at university. 

For the first semester, Tadashi told everyone he had a boyfriend. 

It was an easy lie to keep. Tsukki was always texting him, he never changed the picture of him in a dinosaur onesie on his lockscreen, and it's not like he could go more than ten minutes in a conversation without accidentally mentioning Kei. He didn't even go to the same university, so no one in there could ever find out the truth. 

The first he lied, he did it out of instinct. 

He had spent the first month of classes being miserable over his breakup, but as classes would become more interesting, also a lot harder, he started to come out of his pity party shell. After four hours of calculus 101 homework, he barely had the mental strength to miss the way Tsukki's chest would make him feel safe when he was afraid of falling asleep because he knew he would have nightmares. 

As he began to settle in that routine, it became easier to not feel so empty, but it also made him forget that things had changed. 

He was doing a group project at a campus cafe, and as the other boy in the trio went to get all of them a refill, the other members of the group started asking them some weird questions about his love life, more personal than he ever allowed any classmate to address him. And when he got bothered by it, they asked if he was single (apparently, the fourth member of the project had a small crush on him and they decided to play cupid) and when he looked at his phone to gain some time and courage to say "Yes, but I just broke up with my middle school boyfriend and the love of my life so I'm not really looking", the screen flashed with a random notification and he saw familiar eyes staring right at him. 

_"No. I have a boyfriend, he just goes to another school."_

He didn't know where it came from, maybe it's just because since that night, he was still calling Tsukki his boyfriend in his head, not ready to make it real yet. His parents weren't asking questions, their friends would avoid mentioning him when they called, it was like everyone was still trying to understand _how that happened_. 

His classmates backed off after that so he didn't regret it as much, and he would start to like the way they would ask about how they got together and would always say how adorable they looked in their pictures, or how it was cute that they were "best friends to lovers". 

But he would also never forget how it felt when he was talking to one of the girls from what became his friend group a little before finals, she also had a high school boyfriend and they agreed to break it up before going to different universities, and she told him how she wished they would have at least tried like "him and his boyfriend were doing". It felt like she had taken this part of himself that was just starting to heal and dipped in a bath of ice water. The hair on the back of his neck stood up, and he could swear the end of his limbs were tingling, all from the way it felt like his blood had turned into ice in his veins. 

For the first time since he lied about still being with Tsukishima, he felt that loneliness again, that cold left in his heart where Kei lived for so many years. 

He told his friends they broke up not long after, deciding that it was about time he learned how to live with that cold. 

He got used to it eventually, and the warmth that would fill him whenever he would get a silly selfie or a voice message of him calling him 'Yams' started to feel like a summer breeze he should enjoy while he could, instead of the very air that he breathed. 

The first semester ended after what it felt like so long, but when Yamaguchi went back to Miyagi, he realized he was the only one. With Hinata in Brazil and Tsukishima and Kageyama playing professionally, he was the only one actually coming home for holidays. It intensified that feeling of cold on his bones, but it didn't hurt so much anymore. 

His second semester started with him deciding to really try keeping his promise to Tsukki. He went to a few parties and found out he hated it. He went to the bar his friend group were always inviting him to in the past, he didn't actually hate the way tequila made him feel, but hated the way he felt in the morning after. He downloaded tinder and hated the way people flirted with him like it was this easy thing to do and he was weird for not following the script. He eventually gave that very boy from his class a chance and didn't hate him. 

They went on a few dates. He had a good taste in movies — and maybe not rewatching Jurassic Park everytime wasn't so bad — and was nice to him. He was a good kisser and didn't seem to notice (or pretended not to) how Yamaguchi would only really kiss him after a few shots at the bar with their friends or two glasses of the cheap wine he always had in his dorm. And it wasn't his fault, but eventually Yamaguchi started to hate how the fabric softener he used smelled too much like chemicals, and how he would only chew peppermint bubblegum. It wasn't his fault but when he touched him under his shirt one night and didn't instantly stop when his eyebrows twitched, Yamaguchi knew it wouldn't work out. 

He felt bad for his friend, a little guilty for leading him on. 

He felt bad for Tsukki because there was no way he could keep the promise of moving on. 

If it would take him waiting for the year of the promise, or the entire of Kei's volleyball career, he knew that he was the only one for him. 

He knew it since eight grade, when all of the boys in his class started talking about girls and the things they wanted to do to them, but all Tsukki did was roll their eyes at them and ask Yamaguchi if he wanted to go do something else. They would walk home to play videogames, and Tsukki would share his headphones. It was always a little awkward because he was so much shorter and the wire would stretch out so much Tsukki would have to slightly lean down so he could hear the music. It was then he realized he didn't want to kiss any girl in their class, and the way they wore their hair or smiled at him didn't make him feel any different, but when they were walking together, sharing one of his songs, his mind always wandered to how it would feel if Tadashi reached for the hand Tsukki always had stuck in his pockets. And the mere idea of his fingers intertwined would make his heart flutter a little. 

_"If I am to ever hold someone's hand while walking around, it better be Tsukki's."_ He used to think to himself in those days. 

  
  


**────────────────────────────**

  
  


Yamaguchi was studying for his midterms late at night when he heard the familiar ringtone of facetime. He picked up without even looking at the screen, it was probably Hinata for their weekly call anyway — it was almost one a.m. but Shoyo still had a hard time understanding time zones — and placed the phone in front of him in the desk, not even looking up from his textbook and waited for the overly excited greeting from his friend, usually followed about complaining about how hot it was in Rio or the fact that Kageyama didn't answer his texts. 

"You never took that train to Sendai" 

He flinched so hard he knocked over his cup of iced coffee with loads of sugar on top of his notes, and had to get up fast to avoid getting it all over himself. The dark liquid was still spreading over his desk, and it was starting to drip on the floor. But he couldn't move. 

On his phone screen, also about to be swallowed on the coffee mess, his phone showed Tsukishima's face. 

He looked a little flushed, but his face was still the same. Brown eyes that looked a little dark now, wherever he is, but Yamaguchi knew looked like pure honey in the sun, his gaze piercing like he was still waiting for an answer. It was the first time in months he was seeing him outside of snapchats or instagram, and it was different, seeing the way he is licking his bottom lip like he does when he's nervous. 

"What… What do you mean?" He says while picking up his phone before it got wet, noticing that from up close, Tsukki looked kinda different. His jawline was stronger, the same way he knew from social media that everything about him was stronger, his shoulders more broad, but also, his eyes looked a little hazy and he wasn't slightly blushing, his whole face was red. 

"I stopped calling. You said that if I stopped calling, you would come here to kick my ass."

His words sound a little slurred, and that's when Yamaguchi picks up on the sound of laughter and music in the background. 

"Kei, are you drunk?" 

"I've had a few beers, but I'm fine. The team dragged me to celebrate today's victory"

He never imagined him at bars, but he also didn't really know Kei how he used to anymore. 

"I saw you guys won, Kageyama went to see the match, right?"

He was still shocked, but there was something cute about Tsukki's slow talking and he didn't feel so intimidated by this call if he could just hope the blonde one would forget about it or blame it on the booze on the next day. 

"I made him pay for his ticket." Tsukki's voice went an octave higher, like he was nervous saying that. 

"Isn't that standard, Tsukki?" he couldn't contain a laugh, drunk Tsukki was definitely more shy and very cute. 

"Each player gets a free ticket for each game, he asked me for mine, I made him pay for his." He was blushing hard now. "I stopped sending you the tickets after a while, but I never gave them away. Each match, I always give them your name to put on the list."

_Ouch._

Tadashi was silent long enough that Tsukki started to overthink through his alcohol-induced courage. He had remained strong for so many months, only watching from afar as Yamaguchi would come out of his shell at college, why did he have to be like this now? 

His vision was blurred now, more than it was already, and he knew Tadashi was probably going to get anxious if the silence kept growing more awkward. 

"Anyway, sorry for disturbing you, Yams. I shouldn't have called it just..." for Tsukki, it felt like that night all over again, because he was full of stuff he wanted to say but wouldn't because he still loved Tadashi too much. "We have another match on Saturday, it's only an hour away from your school."

After that there's no way he could go back to calculus, so Yamaguchi just cleans the mess he made and goes to bed. For the first time in months, he doesn't struggle to fall asleep, feeling so warm like it was already summer. 

**────────────────────────────**

Yamaguchi wakes up at 5 a.m on Saturday. It was painfully early, but the only train ticket available was this one. He could've take the train on Friday after his calculus test that he definitely flunked due to not being able to study, but since he was doing this on a whim he couldn't really afford spending the night in a hotel. 

He also didn't had the money for the ticket back but he would figure this part out somehow. 

He took a cold shower to wake up before goin to the train station, and it's too early for the sun to be burning, but he is still sweating a lot. 

He arrives at the platform at exactly 6:45 a.m. because he kept walking in circles in his room, questioning if he should really go. 

Tsukki invited him right? Had been inviting him for so long, he wouldn't be mad at him for showing up, would he? 

He left his room at least for times only to go back when at the exit of his building his anxious brain would convince him he forgot something important. 

His mind would tell him he had forgotten his ticket, and would not be able to board on the train, so he had to check again. It was there, but what if not boarding was better? So he would go back to the room to have another conversation with himself about wether he should go or not. 

His mind would tell him that the cardigan he was wearing made his skin look dull, so he would change shirts a couple times, only to remember that both the train and the stadium had air conditioning and he would be cold. 

Between feeding into every tiny insecurity his brain would make him think of he did actually almost missed the train. He had to sprint across the platform, ticket in hand and almost tripping in front of a whole crowd of people. 

Finally, the train was moving, with him in it. 

He started scrolling to social media to ocuppies his mind from the growing anxiety in his chest, and the first thing that popped open was Kei's private stories. The video showed his grumpy sleepy face complaining about his teammates bursting into his dorm to wake him up and it made Yamaguchi feel so warm inside he kept watching it over and over, the way his voice was still that same raspy tone when he was still waking up, and how even if he was cursing the next three generations of his colleagues, it still made that buzzing machine that lived in Tadashi's mind seem like soft white noise. 

Maybe some things about them hadn't changed so much. 

  
  


**────────────────────────────**

Sendai won that match. Nobody believed it was possible because the other team was ten points ahead in the second set when the Frogs blockers manage to stop their streak of points, and after that they not only managed to tie, they won that set and extentend the game into a third set.

The players on the bench invaded the court, some cheerleaders too. The crowd roared while the losers picked up their pieces. Seeing it from afar made Tadashi feel a little out of place, because it used to be him, flying to swing his arms around Tsukki's neck when the world seemed to stop for them. 

When the noise from the victory went down, the viewers started to leave the stadium, a slow and compressed wave of people going steadily towards the exits, while anyone involved in the actual teams stayed behind. And well, Yamaguchi. 

Partly because he hated the way people would squeeze themselves in situations like this when they could just wait a little longer to get up, and because he didn't know if when he got up, he should take the door with the exit sign or the stairs that lead to he edge of the court. 

Tsukki invited him to his games. He wanted him there. But he never said he wanted to actually see Yamaguchi, did he? 

By the time he finally got up, most of the crowd was gone, and he could now see perfectly where the winners were being surrounded by reporters. Tsukishima was squeezed between two of his teammates, his neutral face looking very harsh in contrast of the beaming smiles the others showed when answering questions to the different sports media outlets that always covered the V league games. But even if he couldn't see from so far, Yamaguchi knew that Tsukki wasn't frowning, that if you looked closely you could see the way one side of his lips would always be a little up in a little smug smile, and if you knew how to read his eyes, you could see the sparkle of pure pride in the middle of comforting brown. 

Without thinking about it, he started to go down the steps that lead to the court. Even if it was awkward, if Tsukki would just weirdly wave at him and go on with his life, he had to see the way his eyes shined after a victory. 

The closer he gets, the more he notices the small changes that seeing him only through a screen didn't show. 

His hair is longer, not in a very noticeable way. In a way that it looks more thick than long, almost fluffy, and it looks like it would be so nice to run his hand through it until it stands in every direction. He can tell that it won't be like this for long. The sweat from the match is making it stick to his skin, and he can't tell by the way he keeps swinging his head to try to move the longer bangs away from his forehead, that Tsukki hates it. 

The reporters keep stealing his full attention, so Tadashi keeps watching for a while. But it's been a while, and some of them are already wrapping up, so he decides to be the one to turn his back this time. 

"Yamaguchi?" 

Tsukishima Kei and Tadashi Yamaguchi have a lot in common, more than most people think. But there's a thing in which they are very different. (Well, not actually, but Tadashi thinks so.)

Tadashi doesn't have his ex boyfriend strength. That's why, when he hears his name, he turns around. 

Tsukki left his teammates embrace and was rushing forward, going so far as slightly pushing one reporter out of his way. Yamaguchi didn't even felt his feet moving and before he knew, his arms were around the blonde's neck. 

They stay in that hug long enough that the reporters took an interest to what was happening, and the two teammates started elbowing each other, trying to figure it out that if the boy now hidden by Kei's figure was the famous ex-boyfriend he would never shut up about. 

Of course, none of them really noticed the commotion they were causing, because Yamaguchi was hiding his face on the curve of the taller boys neck. He was sweaty, and he probably wasn't so meticulous about laundry products as his mother was, but somehow he still smelled like Tsukki. And that was all he needed. 

_Fuck a normal college experience. Fuck this stupid promise and his boyfriend (yes, boyfriend, not ex) stubborn ass._

He pulled away, decided to not let them slip away between his fingers again. He intertwined both of his hands with Kei's, not ready to totally let go of him. 

"Tsukki, I'm sorry to show up out of the blue but I just can't..." 

That's when he noticed the way everyone was staring and he remembered where they where. He let go of the hands in his, lowering is gaze while trying not to lose that flaming courage before continuing. 

"What I mean is… Maybe we could go talk somewhere priv—"

He doesn't really gets a chance to embarrass himself, because the same taped hands that he had just let go of, were now craddling his face and bringing him close again. And even if almost a year had gone by without them being in the same space, the same city even. And even if both of them should be a little less reckless because the photos that flashed behind them could get Tsukki in serious trouble, neither of them were willing to stop now. 

Because even if Yamaguchi had spent the last year thinking they were actually over, _Kei still tasted like peach gummies._

  
  


**────────────────────────────**

  
  


Years after that, Tsukki would tell people that he only won that match because right as he looked into the direction the ball was settled in the other side of the court, he saw far away into the crowd a pair of green eyes following the ball to the exact place he would have to guide his bandaged hands to block that spike. 

Tadashi would always argue that it was impossible because he was basically hiding in his seat on that match, too nervous both about seeing him — and his new toned, impossibly broad, pro-athlete body — and about being noticed and distracting him from the heated match.

Neither of them would never admit they honestly didn't remember what really happened, because everything that happened that day before they fell back into each others arms, was just a blur of irrelevant details. 

When Kei tells that story again at their wedding reception, Tadashi decides that ok, maybe he likes Tsukki's version the best, even if it seems too good to be real. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a full fic in english, my first time finishing a haikyuu fanfic and my first time posting on ao3 I feel like I burned all my braincells in the way. 
> 
> Also this fic was just suppose to be like the longer version of a headcanon I don't know how I ended up with almost 7K...


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